Gasgow - Dubai

Thought I'd write something on the plane given the fact that I have the opportunity and more importantly am bored out of my mind. Despite this the business class deal is a whole lot better than the plebs who I will be joining after Dubai – the stewardesses are constantly trying to offer food, booze and films (there's a tape player in my armrest and they have a selection of about 30 new or new-ish releases). They are also a lot prettier than the economy stewardesses, but I guess you get what you pay for. I get the impression they are all flirting with me and would be flattered if it were not for the fact that it's clearly part of the act, although obviously I can see their point.

After a rather well-made bloody mary courtesy of myself in the KLM business lounge (shared with Emirates) in Glasgow airport, I soon found myself several drinks down the line after about an hour and a half. I usually drink nothing on flights, especially long ones, as it just makes you feel worse and gets you more dehydrated, but it was very hard to keep refusing all these beauties that kept trying to ply me with assorted booze. After a few I stopped though – there is surely some risk of losing control and waking up on a camel in the Middle East trying to recreate 'Lawrence of Arabia'.

Glasgow airport, to those who have been there, is the worst airport in Europe after 'Glasgow' Prestwick and anywhere in Greece*. It likes to think it's very important on account of the fact that there are flights all over the shop direct from it, but in reality it's a piece of shit, with nothing to do and no facilities. The business lounge was an incremental improvement but was essentially a narrow long room with an unmanned bar, papers and packets of crisps, with a few newspapers, tables and chairs and a view of tarmac.

Having watched two films and read a National Geographic article about fat Americans, I'm not really sure what to do now. Although I am pleased as punch to find my seat reclines enough to sleep comfortably and it has some funky leg thing (think Parker-Knoll chairs or a lay-Z-boy), the eight-hour stopover in Dubai is where I plan to do my sleeping so I think doing any on the plane would be folly. There's only an hour and a half to go anyway, maybe I should have a drink or two. The 2001 Medoc is particularly good. I actually have a hotel voucher for beside the airport but it's a quarter of an hour away, and that translates into at least an hour less sleep after taking into account travel there and back, checking in, and seeing if there are any porn channels on the TV – this would only lead to disappointment if Arabic porn involves naked women veiled enough to only see their eyes. I imagine any sort of lesbian scene would look like a parachute landing on top of its owner.

So it'll be the bedrooms in the business lounge at Dubai for me then up in time to eat some of the buffet and just miss my connection.

*on second thoughts, Edinburgh is even worse than all of these.